The brain is an amazing thing...

It's been 8 days at the Dances of the Sun and my brain seems to be coming back to something like Zero... Over the last 4 months I have been on such an emotional roller coaster I really wasn't able to tell up from down, and now after a 8 days away from all the madness I am finally feeling like well, something like myself again. I am gonna be taking it easy for the last 3 days here. When I get back I will post a long blog about my goals and things that are gonna be getting down in the 07... Until then, peeeessssS.

Things take time...

Time always seems to be the enemy, every waking moment I always seem to be wondering what I need to do, what I have done wrong, and how I am going to fix what I am currently stuck with. It seems that the last month has just been a vortex of questioning, doubting, and unclear-thinking. I can't seem to put my finger on it but last night I came up with a theory. It seems as if I have lost my emotions. I haven't been feeling earnestly happy nor sad. I've been spending most of my energy wondering if I am acting like a normal human being. Pointing your finger on whether or not you're happy or sad is really the only way to feel human. If you feel you are neither you're probably drifting away from what most people call reality. These ideas keep playing in a seemingly infinite loop in my head. I am trying to find some type of meaning in it all, thinking there might be something chemically wrong with me or maybe I am just so disillusioned by everything that has happened to me in the last year my brain has decided to go onto sleep mode. Every night I go to bed wondering if I am going to wake up feeling NORMAL. I want to feel sad, I want to feel happy, I want to feel something... It just doesn't seem like either of those things are legitimate feelings anymore. Yes, I might be thinking to hard, and no I am not taking any ... So, why? that's what I am trying to figure out.

Sundance around my fried brain-holes...

It has been 3 strange days in this netherworld called Park City. I wonder constantly whether or not this place serves a purpose for the greater good of humanity. Five thousand dollar boots sit across the street from a film someone has spent there whole existence working towards. It's an interesting place, a perfect example of a lie that everyone is so super stoked about. It really is hollywood except it's fucking cold and you have to buy a license to drink a alcoholic beverage. My brain was so full of mush the last few days I don't think I have thought one properly coherent thought because of all the madness. All I really can think about is being in Hawaii, surfing, and then maybe getting a shave ice in the 70 degree temperature. This post has had no substance whatsoever.

I hate the fucking cold... fuck the cold, I was made for Hawaii...

How I learned to love the bomb, now it's bed time...

Above our heads
like fairies they dance
with bubbled dreads
and pockets full of dust
to sprinkle soon
their dust of salt
upon a molding slugs head
the salt of dust we settle down
to a sleeping lonely slimy bed
then melt away a rotting core
that was born again once before
tricked and lied and tortured too
now lying in a lifeless goo
now sticky on shoe hooves goo
now start dead fresh with something new...............

Goodnight.

drained drained drained...

It's 1:45 and I am trying to get my brain in the right place to do this MC thing amoungst other tasks. I hope I can pull it together but it's gonna be tough..... I think I will be okay, and I am probably thinking way too hard about the whole thing but I just gotta tough it out a 18 more hours... There is always the fun police knocking at my door, I am trying really hard to hide in the corner and pretend that I don't hear them, I am afraid they're gonna kick the door in. All I need to do is hold them off for a few more hours and I should be alright. So many stressful things nag in my subconcious I wanna let them out but I need to hold them back a bit longer. I can sense light near the end of the tunnel but I am not sure if it's a hoax or not... I'm trying my best but it never feels good enough to me...

Push the envolope and watch it bend.

Just push a bit more, there is still room to give, just don't break... I feel as if I could break any milisecond... arrrgh... Full Steam Ahead!